remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My life is pants optional.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
