We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
