It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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