so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
