I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
