I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
