I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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