final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
