I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
