this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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