What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
