i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
