I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
