She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
