they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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