Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
