While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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