I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
