You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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