Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
