As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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