So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
