Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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