I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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