$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
