i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
