At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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