I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
