Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
