At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
