I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
