I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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