Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
