we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
