Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
