woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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