Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
