Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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