I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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