from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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