so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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