Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
