when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
