Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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