So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
