you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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