I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
