Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
