i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
