I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
